Earl Pitts-American

A good laugh for a rainy day.

This is my wife.  How many others fit this bill?

You know what makes me sick?  You know what makes me so mad I just wanna play pin the tail on the donkey…with a real donkey?   The real trick is getting’ it off him to begin with.

Yeah – I heard a story on here the other day…they done some big survey.  A world-wide survey…24 countries…and people was asked – ‘What is the secret to true happiness?’  What are you thinkin?  Money?  A swimsuit model girlfriend?  Right?

Nope.  People around the whole earth agreed…the easiest way to happiness – was havin’ a partner.  Somebody to love.  An’ this might be a shock to you all…but I totally agree.

I know – I rag on my ol’ lady sometimes.  Okay – I rag on my ol’ lady most of the times.  But fact is…that woman makes my life pure joy.   So today – I want to count the ways my wife makes my life complete.

For example…if it wasn’t for my ol’ lady tellin’ me four or five times a week– I would not know where the dirty clothes go.

If my butt, my pitts, my feet or my breath smells…she tells me.  Apparently I am hard of smelling.  Or she’s got the nose of a bloodhound.  I’m not sure.

When we have an argument…I don’t got to keep notes.  Because she remembers everything I ever said in anger.  Even back to before we was married.  It’s like havin’ a personal secretary.  She’s like a certified argument historian.

She also keeps count of all my bad habits for me.  ‘That’s your fourth beer, Earl.  That’s your third cigar today, Earl…’  Yeah – certified argument historian…an’ vice accountant…

Wake up, America!  Yeah – I don’t know where I’d be without my ol’ lady.   But probably next to a giant pile a’ dirty clothes.  I’m Earl Pitts, American.  Pitts Off.